


First and Last

by RosenMae



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Captain America Steve Rogers, Captain America Steve Rogers/Modern Bucky Barnes, Chronic Illness, Fictional medical procedures, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hospitals, M/M, Modern Bucky Barnes, Musician Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Self-sacrificing Steve, Shrunkyclunks, Sick Bucky Barnes, Soulmark stolen from a Fall Out Boy song obviously, Soulmarks- words, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, iffy-science, it works because I said so, minor hospital related angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29898603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosenMae/pseuds/RosenMae
Summary: Steve's always loved his words; they've given him hope since he could read them, and they added fuel to the fire in his soul. When he went into the ice, his one regret was leaving a soulmate out there that would never ever know what had happened to him. These days, he still holds that regret as he tries to do the right things and fight the right fights and not get sucked into any of the wrong wars, but it's starting to feel like there are no right wars anymore. When he gets home from yet another mission, he's expecting pizza and to be endlessly teased by his teammates as they watch the never-ending list of movies he hasn't seen; he's not expecting to meet his soulmate, he's definitely not expecting this.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 2
Kudos: 85





	First and Last

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize in advance for how little I know about New York, or different medical things. I tried, and made up the rest.
> 
> I also posted this on my phone and not my computer so I hope the format turned out okay

Sarah Rogers knew her son was something special before he was even born. The doctors told her that he was too small, too weak, even before he met the light of day. But with the war coming and Joseph's military service imminent, she refused to "consider her options" as the doctors kept saying. Steven Grant Rogers was born like the doctors said- small and weakly, but he came early and he came out screaming and fighting his way into the world. Joseph Rogers held his son for two weeks before he left for the war and never came back.  
When Sarah got the letter from the army that he husband wouldn't be returning she held her son close and listened to the rattle in his tiny chest. And Steve, being only a year old and underdeveloped as he was, had reached out and put a hand on her tear stained cheeks and held it there until she was able to smile again.

So yes, there was never any doubt in Sarah Rogers' mind that her son was the most special boy in the world. It wasn't until he was nearly a teenager that they realized she wouldn't be the only one to know it.  
The blur of black ink he was born with on his hip slowly cleared up into words, normally the soul words are clear by the time a person turns 9 or 10, but Steve had to wait until he was 12 before he could clearly see the words that one day his soulmate would say to him. Sarah was the only one who wasn't surprised by the words adorned there.  
"Of course, love," she'd told him as she held him close to her chest like she always did. "Of course everyone is going to see just how special I've always known you are."

  
Now, as Steve wakes to the announcement that the quinjet is landing, he runs a thumb absently over the words, an apology echoing in his mind. It's a habit he's developed since waking in the 21st century, apologizing to a soulmate that he had abandoned when he crashed the Valkyrie.

At first, he'd thought that maybe he was meant to be here and would find his soulmate here in this time. He was dismayed to find out that people didn't much believe in soulmates the way that they used to. People now would shrug and say that it didn't matter, that love was a choice, they would get married, committed to each other regardless of if one of them met their soulmate later or not. Which, of course, Steve admired that. But when he was growing up, it was such a big thing in his life. Someday someone would see him the way that his mom did, someday someone would fight for him.

You could call him a true romantic, but there hasn't been much romantic about his life so far.

Steve sits through a debriefing and goes to shower and change and head up to the common floor on the tower for the pizza that will inevitably be there after each mission.

He barely registers the giant TV playing news coverage of some band somewhere, wouldn't notice it at all, except.

Except his hip is burning. The serum gave Steve a ridiculous pain tolerance, but this. This has him hissing and stumbling backwards as he looks around wide eyed, his mind catching up to the band on the screen.

"I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you, but not as much as I do-"

The last word is choked off, the singer's eyes appearing wide even with the eyeliner artfully smudged around his eyes.

The music fades out as the news anchor starts speaking. "Unfortunately, he was unable to even finish the chorus as you can see he put down his guitar and tried to make it off stage." 

The footage goes on to show this exact thing. The lead singer is clearly shaking and is turning more white by the second as he lays down his guitar carefully and struggles to straighten back up. The camera angle switches to show the whole stage and the other band members quickly picking up and covering him as he turns and heads away. Before he makes it back stage, he collapses, his legs giving out and his arms not coming up to catch himself. He hits the stage hard and there's a collective gasp and some screams from the crowd as help rushes towards him.

The screen cuts back to a polished looking woman with no emotion on her face, "He was rushed quickly to a hospital, and no word has been sent yet by the authorities about his condition, after he was reportedly taken back to a hospital in New York. Both the band and the Barnes family have spoken up and released short statements saying that he's doing alright and thanking fans for their concern and support."

"That's right," The male anchor continues but Steve is only hearing static as they play the whole scenario one more time. He only looks away when Sam kneels in front of him and blocks his view.

"Steve, hey, it's okay man. You're okay, just breathe for me, okay?"

Steve sucks in a deep breath and feels dizzy with it. He's fallen to his knees at some point, a hand over his mouth in shock, his other hand still pressed over his words, his mind reeling at having to watch his soulmate. His soulmate! Collapse in front of him, but unable to help.

"Nat." The word comes grating out of his throat as he looks around the room for her. She isn't far, while everyone else was still trying to figure out what was going on, she was already moving. Now she's standing off to the side of the couch, typing furiously on her phone.

"He's at St. Paul's. We can take the helicopter and be there in 20 minutes."

Steve's on his feet before she finishes speaking. Sam stays on his one side, Nat on the other, but he barely notices them, or the phone calls Nat makes as they ride the elevator to the roof.

They climb into the helicopter with Nat still yelling into her cellphone. 

Steve keeps his fingers pressed tightly over his words, the melody he now knows they go to running in his head. The usual echo of sorry now replaces with a symphony of please. Please be okay. Please stay with me. Please. I just found you. Please.

Sam hands him a phone which Steve takes wordlessly, he doesn't even think he sees it at all until his attention snaps to the picture in the article there.

The man has blue eyes. It's the first thing Steve notices. In the picture he must be shouting into a microphone, it's taken from the side, but he's looking straight at the camera. Steve's breath leaves his lungs all at once as those eyes seem to stare at him. The blue is icy and almost silver, there's an ache in Steve's chest to see if they're really that color in real life. Steve's eyes try to take in everything at once, enthralled in a way he hasn't been in 75 years.

The singer has brown hair in a sharp haircut, longer and curly on top. He's wearing a black tank top that exposes sculpted muscles down his side and a peak of tattoos across his ribs. The same red guitar Steve saw in the video hangs from his shoulder but his right hand is wrapped around the mic, a series of leather and colorful bands hid his wrist to halfway down his forearm. His left hand is up, his fist towards the sky. An intricate tattoo across his whole arm of a mechanical or armored arm, words that Steve cant read wrapped around it. His eyes are lined in black liner, a cheeky grin pulling at his lips even as he shouts his music. He's beautiful.

Steve drags his eyes away from the photo to scan the article very quickly.

"Winter Wolves Break Release Record"

"The Winter Wolves are the latest hit band with more than 8 songs currently on the Top40 lists around the country. Lead singer and songwriter, James Barnes, (pictured above) told interviewers that even though they've only just released their third album, their forth is due to come out by the end of the year. Barnes, dubbed by fans "The Winter Soldier", is one of the first song writers to also front a band that has gained success so quickly. Since their first album, "Lost Siberia" debuted in 2018, they have released a second and third album, as well as done tours in North America and Europe.  
This band is definitely the top band you should be listening to right now. They rocked the indie-garage scene for less than 6 months before being snatched up by "BrokenNew" records! You'll definitely be hearing a lot more of them very soon!"

The article was written in October last year and apparently goes on about other bands and musicians but Steve's eyes are drawn back to the picture of the singer. James. Steve's soulmate's name is James.

"Landing in 5!" Natasha calls through the headsets so Steve reluctantly hands back the phone to Sam. 

The world seems to blur around Steve again as they get out of the helicopter and are ushered down the hallways. All Steve knows is that his soulmate isn't okay, and that Steve is getting closer and closer to him.

Nat tells him a room number and branches off to talk to the doctors, Sam must go with her because Steve is alone when the room comes into view. And he suddenly finds himself very much wishing for backup when the room comes with a kind of guard that stops even Steve Grant Rogers in his steps.

A small, stout woman stands in front of the doorway, her hands on her hips and her expression severe as she stares down Steve in a way very few people have ever done. She has deep creases around her eyes and mouth, her frown pulling and increasing them. Her brown hair is turning grey around the edges where it falls around her face. Those blue eyes fix on him with a look so full of motherly disapproval he feels suddenly all of fifteen years and five feet tall, chest contracted painfully, blood on his lip and bruises on his eye as he shuffled in through the door and into his mother's kitchen. There is no doubt in his mind, this is James' mother.

Mrs. Barnes continues to look him up and down, no recognition or empathy in her eyes. Though Steve feels desperately the pull of knowing his soulmate is right there, he can't look away. Her icy blue eyes have captured him, circling with the snapping jaw of a predator. A wolf, ready to strike to protect her pup.

"Steven Rogers, was it?" Her voice finally breaks the silence and snaps the tension between them, enabling Steve to take those last few steps up to her.

"Yes, Ma'am." Now that the silence has been broken, Steve's desperate to get past her again. "You must be James' mother."

"I am." She states proudly, her chin rising.

"Is he... can I..." Steve falters, "Can I see him? Please."

Her eyes soften only slightly as she looks at him, her frown still firmly in place, "You're really his soulmate?"

"Yes, Ma'am, I believe I am."

"You have his words? You felt the spark?"

"I did." He assures her, than glances around to make sure they're alone before pulling his shirt up and tugging the edge of his jeans down just enough that she can see the words peeking up there. The words have turned a deep crimson color, the color of James' guitar Steve notices, instead of the black that he was born with, now that they've been spoken by his soulmate.

She takes them in with a soft inhale then nods. "Okay." She agrees softly. "You're not quite what we expected but that's okay. Let's sit down for a moment."

Steve wants to argue, wants to push his way inside and see his soulmate, but sees the steel in her eyes, and she quickly clenches a hand around his arm and leads him just past the door to a set of chairs lining the hall.

They sit and Mrs. Barnes stares at Steve like she can puzzle him out without words. Maybe she can.

"James is..." she trails off, then huffs out a little wet laugh, "He's my only son, he has three younger sisters. He was a trouble maker, as only a older brother can be, but he was always a good kid. We... my husband is in the military. James wanted to follow in his footsteps; he got all the way through basic training before he started to get sick." Her voice is a bare whisper on the last few words. "But he... he always liked music, the military was something he thought he was supposed to do, but music was his heart and soul. He made us bring his keyboard into the hospital when it became obvious he'd be staying for a while."

"I haven't had a chance to hear his other songs. Just this one." Steve admits as he runs a thumb over his words over his clothes, and she gives him a shaky smile.

"He's amazing." She says it like a secret and Steve is already nodding. Nothing in him doubts the claim.

They fall into a silence that's not as tense as the one earlier and Steve's not sure how to break it.

"Mrs. Barnes, I want to love your son. I've been waiting a very, very long time to meet him, and I want you to know that I'm going to do my best to do right by him, but I promise I will treasure him. I'd like to give him the world."

Mrs. Barnes looks at him, long and careful. Then she nods. "He's the same way, you know. He's been waiting a long time to meet you, he's been waiting for you. Of course he has."

Something in Steve relaxes at the proclamation, the fear that his soulmate wouldn't care about soulmates, about him, eases away from him.

"Thank you." He says and she nods.

"You're welcome. Also. You can call me Winifred."

"Winifred, it's nice to meet you."

They shake hands belatedly and the silence returns, not as uncomfortable now. Steve sees Natasha and Sam come up the hallway and gives them a couple quick hand signals- await instruction, and- secure perimeter. They nod and quickly follow instructions, Sam checking the hallways around them but staying in eyesight, and Nat circling to do a larger sweep no doubt.

"What-" Steve hesitates, not sure how to ask, not sure how much he can handle knowing right now. "What kind of illness is it?" 

She stares at him for long moments, her mouth slack and eyes shining.

"What? Did I say something wrong?"

She shakes her head and brushes away a tear before looking back up at him with a watery smile. "You- you didn't ask what's wrong with him."

Steve immediately tenses. "No! I wouldn't! Being sick doesn't mean- that's not!- There is nothing wrong with him!" Steve practically growls out the words.

Winifred finally smiles at him, a true smile, her eyes crinkling and she lays a gentle hand on his forearm. "You're right. He's perfect. And I know he'd really like to meet you, if you want to go in now."

Steve's heart jumps to his throat. "Can I?"

Her eyes have lost all of their steel now, gentle reassurance offered in place of it. "Yes, Steve, you may." But she tightens her grip on his arm before he can dart away. "He's... He's sleeping now," her voice a bare whisper as she stumbled over those couple first words, "The medications they put him on since he collapsed are keeping him under for now." 

"Do we know when he'll wake up?"

She shakes her head, eyes soft and sad in a way he remembers seeing his own mothers eyes every time he got sick when he was young.

"Will he..." Steve swallows roughly. "Be okay?"

Winifred's lips tighten into a line slightly but she merely places a gentle hand on his arm. "We'll talk more after you see him. I'm sure you're anxious to do so."

It's not an answer but he nods and they quickly stand, though Steve restrains himself enough to allow her to open the door and usher him inside. "I'll give you a minute."

And suddenly, they're alone. Steve can only see the tent in the blanket where James' feet are, so he takes a shaky step forward, and another until he's at the bedside.

James is pale, a NG tube in his nose, there are light lines around his eyes, and the circles under his eyes are deep and purple, nothing like how he looked in the video or his picture Steve has seen. Steve all but collapses into the visitors chair next to the bed, he can't stop himself from scooting it as close as he can get, his knees squished against the bedframe.

James' hand is cold when Steve can't stop himself from reaching out to him. His right arm is free of the many wristbands he'd been wearing the other times Steve saw him, his hand is clutched loosely to the blanket over his chest which couldn't have been how the doctors placed him. His left hand is the one that Steve tentatively grabs- the skin from wrist up elaborately tattooed, the art so incredible up close it takes Steve a minute before he can look away and back up to his soulmate's face.

"Please," Steve whispers, the words on his own skin seeming to cry out to him, and the words he speaks now desperately pressing in his throat to get out. "Wake up. I.. I need you too."

Grey eyes snap open with a gasp as the room starts screaming and James jerks away from Steve's touch. His hand flying up to grasp at his opposite wrist, eyes frantically searching the room, growing big and round as they fix on Steve. Steve stumbles away from the bed as the room is flooded with a group of nurses who were alerted by the screaming machines. They rush to James' side and Sam comes in and pulls Steve further out of the way to let them work. Steve is trying to absorb everything but he can't take his eyes off his soulmate who stares back at him in shock as he tries to gasp breaths into lungs that don't seem to be cooperating. 

There's a sedative and in a couple minutes, the sounds in the room have calmed down, the monitors no longer crying out. A head nurse asks Steve to step out for a moment, which he only does when Sam gives him a good hard shove in the right direction to get his feet started.

Mrs. Barnes is back on the chair outside the room, her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. It's a posture that looks well worn on her slumped shoulders. Steve's slumping into the chair next to her before he even decides to move. He puts his arm around her frail shoulders and listens to her shaky breathing as they wait for the nurses to come back out.

"Sorry." He whispers finally but she merely shakes her head at him, reaching up a hand to squeeze his hand on her shoulder. They sit in silence for long minutes while they wait for the bustle in the hospital room to die down. After a while Sam and Nat came and sat in the little chairs next to them, squishing in on Steve's other side. No word was exchanged and eventually the nurses started trickling out of the room, causing Steve to watch closely, but Winifred continued to keep her head in her hands and wait.

Finally, the head nurse came out and shut the door behind her before coming over. Her small frame carried her on quick feet, everything about herself carried an experienced confidence.

"Hey, Winnie, how are you doing?" The nurse came over and crouched down in front of Mrs. Barnes, gently touching her knee with a sort of compassionate familiarity. 

Winifred straightened up enough that Steve pulled his arm away from her shoulders, and she tried for a strained smile. "How is he?"

"He's doing alright," Her brown eyes cut over to Steve, "This is the soulmate?"

Steve and Winifred nodded in sync, though Steve was definitely more confused.

"My name is Jen, I've been one of James' regular nurses for quite a few years now. He's doing alright, like I said. The thing with soulmate words is that it involves a certain amount of adrenalin being released into the body, it's a bit of a shock so that no one can miss it even if the words are short or common, right?" Steve felt the blood draining out of his face as he realized that the medical scare in there had been his fault. Nat reaches over Sam to give his hand a quick squeeze. The nurse looked at this and smiled. "In this case actually, it might have been a good thing that you did. After the initial shock, his vitals have leveled off at a better level than they were before, okay? He's stable now, he's awake." There was a collective sigh of relief at that news, even Nat released some tension from her shoulders. "And, he's asking for you." It startles Steve to realize that she was looking at him.

"Me?"

She smiles wider. "His exact words were- 'The hunky blond was here for me, right? Can we not let him hide in the hallway or whatever?'"

"Oh." The others all share a chuckle and Winifred turns to him.

"Alright then, you better get in there."

Steve looks at her, stunned for a moment before he rises to his feet, unable to argue, unable to keep himself away. A nurse presses a cup of ice chips into his hand right before he enters and he takes it, barely registering the sensation.

The hospital room is exactly the same as before, and completely different. James is no longer on his back, eyes closed. He's still pale, and it honestly seems that he might be shaking in his position where the bed is propped up for him. But his eyes. His eyes are open and staring right at Steve. A tentative smile pulls at his lips, but there's a little furrow in his eyes that speaks an untold question.

"Hi." Steve breathes out, breathless at the sight of his soulmate.

"Hi there." James replies, and the word is a little rough coming from his throat and it causes Steve to hurry over to his side and hand him the cup of ice chips in his hand. He helps James get a few in his mouth to suck on before placing the cup down and pulling the chair back over next to the bed frame.

"I'm Steve." 

"Bucky."

"What?"

James smiles, a breath of a laugh huffing out. "It's my name. Only my parents and people who don't know me call me James."

"Okay, Bucky then. It's really, really nice to meet you."

James settles back into the pillows a little more but smiles. "You too."

There's a moment where they don't know what to say, silent and stunned all together. James- Bucky eats a few more ice chips and clears his throat before speaking again.

"So, um, sorry for asking but... you have my words?"

"Oh!" Steve jumps up. "Yeah, here." He again, pulls up his shirt and pushes on the waistband of his jeans to reveal the crimson words along his hip. He watches as Bucky absorbs the script, his lips silently moving along with the words until his eyes come up to meet Steve's again.

"How did you-?"

"My friends were watching the news. They were showing your, uh, collapse. And this is the part I walked in and heard."

James smiles again, his eyes happy but also so, so tired. He turns his right forearm up and towards Steve so Steve can see the blue words across his arm.

Please wake up. I... I need you too.

Steve grimaces slightly when he thinks about having those words on your skin your whole life. "Sorry. It was probably scary to have words like that."

Bucky shakes his head. "It kind of helped actually. When I got sick, it wasn't as much of a surprise because of this, and at least I knew that you'd find me. I knew you'd be here, eventually."

Steve feels a rush of shame. "I'm sorry I took so long."

Bucky reaches out his hand and Steve doesn't hesitate to take it in his. "You're here now." He says it like it makes up for everything, and maybe it does. "So, just to clarify, because I'm actually on a lot of meds right now," His smile goes all crooked and mischevious and sends Steve's heart stuttering in his chest, "You are Steve Rogers, right? The like, the real one?"

Steve finds himself chuckling, "Yeah, sweetheart, that's me."

"Wow." Bucky tilts his head back and blinks at the ceiling for a second. "Wow. So, I guess you haven't heard any of the rest of my music if that," He gestures vaguely to Steve's words, "Is the first you've heard me, huh?"

Steve shakes his head, "No, I haven't. Why?"

Bucky's eyes are closing again and he gives a yawn. "Just wondering if you like the sound of it, it's not what you grew up listening to."

"That's what you're worried about?"

"A little. Is that silly?" He cracks one eye open to glance at Steve. When Steve shakes his head, Bucky closes his eyes again. "I might fall back asleep for a little bit. Will you still be here?"

"Of course. Nothing could drag me away. You know, super-strength and all that." Steve jokes lamely but gets the pleasure of seeing Bucky's lips twitch back up into a smile.

"Good."

-

It's only a few hours before Bucky is waking back up, and a very clean cut doctor is rolling a stool over to sit beside the extra chairs they brought in for the four visitors. Bucky has his vitals taken again and when things are looking good, the doctor asks for Bucky's permission to explain the situation to Steve.

"Hey Mom, why don't you go get yourself some coffee, maybe call Dad and let him know what's going on?" Bucky says gently and his mom doesn't give any resistance, she merely leans over to give him a kiss on the forehead and then turns to the door.

"You guys want coffee?" She asks and they all nod and then she's gone and the attention turns back to Bucky.

He gives a strained smile, "She doesn't need to hear this again." Steve feels his heart drop into the floor and roll away, he knew it was bad, but to have this kind of reaction...

"Well, shall I?" The doctor says, he's on the younger side, but cuts the kind of figure that makes you think he knows what's going on. He weirdly reminds Steve of Colonel Philips, if he was younger but still gives and accepts no shit. "Alright, so, I'm not much into beating around the bush. Bucky has always appreciated that, I think."

"The direct approach is good." Sam is the one who agrees but Steve nods.

"So, the bare bones of the thing is that Bucky is dying." And suddenly, Steve doesn't like the direct approach anymore. His breath catches in his throat and his ears ring until Steve feels strong fingers close around his wrist. He looks up to see Bucky holding on to him gently.

"Just listen, okay?" Bucky says, and it's somehow reassuring. 

Steve flips their hands so that their fingers are entwined. "Okay."

Then he puts his attention back towards the doctor who gives him a grim smile.

"Bucky started having problems with his heart first, right?" 

Bucky nods. "Chest pain."

"So, we started running tests, found out that there's a weakness in his heart, and that he has this immune disease, I won't go into the details right now. Again, the bare bones is that it's essentially started shutting down Bucky's organs. The strain that it causes his body to try to keep his heart running is wearing on all of the rest of his major organs. And it would be... Not simple. Never simple. But straight forward to get a heart replacement, except for the immune disease, which means that any sort of replacement surgery has to be done with a very narrow margin for the chance for his body to reject the replacement."

"Tell them about the robot heart." Bucky says with what can only really be described as glee.

"It's brand new technology, but again, there's such a small margin of error that there's really only one option for a replacement like this." Bucky tightens his hand around Steve's. "Typically, the closest match people can come across is a family member, but, if it's possible, a soulmate is a much closer match."

"So, what?" Sam asks, "You need Steve's heart?"

"I would never let that happen." Bucky declares, fierce and firm and unrelenting.

The doctor nods, "That's why they've created this mechanical heart instead."

"Okay, so why haven't you done the surgery then?" Nat asks, all sorts of practical.

The doctor nods again, acknowledging the practical question. "The immune disease again is the problem. We can't just put a hunk of metal in him and expect his body to accept it. We need to supplement the heart with something that his body will accept. It's not guaranteed that it will work, but, the plan was to find Bucky's soulmate and get them to donate a piece of their liver or kidney maybe."

"You can have my heart." Steve doesn't even hesitate, and he sees both Sam and Nat facepalm out of the corner of his eye. "No, I'm serious."

Suddenly the whole room is still and has all their focus set on him.

"I had a kidney removed when I was a kid and it grew back after I got the serum. And I got shot in the heart once, you remember, Nat." She nods slowly. "It hurt like hell, but it healed after a few days, there isn't even a scar. So, yeah, no problem," Steve turns and looks Bucky fully in the eye. "If you need my heart, you can have it."

Tears slide down Bucky's face, but they're the only things that moves in the room for a long moment.

"You big dumbass!" Bucky finally says and pulls his hand over to cradle it into his chest, ducking his head to press a kiss to his knuckles.

-

Everything happens really fast after that. They run test after test but it's only a few weeks before Steve is laying on one operating table, and Bucky on a table next to him.

"You sure about this?" Bucky asks, reaching over the space between them to link hands with Steve.

"Yeah. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, Buck. You gotta know that." 

Bucky cracks a smile that Steve has gotten used to seeing on his face, a little stunned, a little happy but not sure if he should be.

"Are you boys ready?" A kind nurse says and they have to pull their hands back.

"See you soon, Buck." Steve says quietly and Bucky smiles back.

"Yeah, see you soon."

  
-

Bucky wakes up in a dark hospital room, there's light from the hallway, but the room is dark and as silent as a hospital room ever is. He takes a deep breath, fully filling his lungs without a single twinge of pain along the way. Bucky lets his eyes trail around the room slowly, trying to remember everything he needs to know. The room is big and grand, giant floor length windows to one side, and the machines are all new and shiny and sleek looking enough to be unfamiliar. But this whole floor has looked that way, Stark's medical wing in Avengers Tower doesn't mess around apparently.

Bucky finally settles his gaze on the bed on the other side of the room. Steve is out cold on his bed, heavy breaths escaping his open mouth, it's undeniably unattractive and yet Bucky can't help but smile at the big blonde slice of sunshine he gets to call his soulmate.

-

Bucky recovers fast. Like, no-one-could-have-predicted fast. Like, whoops,-the-super-soldier-serum-might-be-inside-of-you-now fast.

In contrast, Steve remains out cold on his hospital bed for days. As far as anyone can tell, his body is simply recovering, but again no-one-could-have-predicated slow. Maybe it made sense, since he'd give a good part of his literal heart to Bucky. It still meant that Bucky got to take a turn sitting in the visitors chair by Steve's bedside for a change. 

It meant that when Steve finally pried his open after a very long 8 days, Bucky was right there at his side when he did.

"Oh, thank god."

"Buck?"

"Hey, Steve."

"Bucky!" Steve lurches up in the bed, swaying even as he's reaching out to grab Bucky's shoulders. "How- Is it? Are you? How do you feel?"

Bucky pulled Steve's hands off his arms and cupped them gently in his own hands. "I feel amazing. Much better now that you've woken up, honestly."

"Now that I've-?"

"Yeah Steve, the surgery was over a week ago."

"What?" His eyes are starting to droop already.

"Here, lie back," Bucky gives him a gentle push back onto the bed, he goes easily. "I'm doing fine. Better than fine, look!" He puts Steve's hand on his chest, over the bandage covering the surgery wound, and takes in a massive breath and then releases it. There is no hitch, no wince, and he fills his lungs the whole way. Steve's eyes widen, his lips curl up, he knows, he's felt and listened to enough of Bucky's breaths in the last few weeks that he understands.

"Again?" He asks hopefully, pressing a little heavier against Bucky's chest. Bucky huffs out a little laugh but takes another breath for Steve, then another, and another. Each breath makes Steve's smile stretch wider.

"You can go back to sleep, Steve. I'm right here. My bed is right across the room, and you can talk to the doctors tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," Steve agrees happily, his eyes sinking shut, his fingers tangling with Bucky's and not letting go. "Love you."

The words take the breath right out of Bucky's lungs, even thought they're said in absent sleepiness. Steve drops into sleep before he even gets to hear Bucky return the words to him, but he does. Of course he does. He squirms himself into the bed next to Steve, careful of both of their IV's and loops his arms around his soulmate, holding him safe and close to his own chest.

"I love you too, Steve. So much. I'm going to keep showing you just how much I need you." It's a promise, one Bucky will absolutely be keeping.

  
.

**Author's Note:**

> This is self-indulgent fluff because having chronic pain sucks and I've spent way too much time in the hospital over the last couple months.
> 
> Also- here's a song list to give you a picture of what type of music Bucky and his band make.
> 
> The Last of the Real Ones. FOB.  
> Blonde. Waterparks.  
> Golden. Farewell Fighter  
> Welcome to my Life. Simple Plan  
> Powerless. Waterparks.  
> Tonight. With Confidence  
> Vowels. HUNNY


End file.
